When I was in high school I started having trouble falling asleep at night. My pediatrician told me that it was probably anxiety and suggested slowing down. Because I knew everything as at the tender age of 14, I decided to fill up more of my time. Slowing down is what triggered the racing thoughts and senseless panic. Why would I intentionally make space for anxiety to manifest? It wasn't until years later (ten to be exact) that I realized my Dr. Miller may have been on to something.
I function really well as someone living with generalized anxiety. Or so it seems. I'm always busy. Always moving. Always working. That feels safest for me though it's not often what is best. My #allsummersixteen goal of taking care of myself in the midst of "doing the work" is tied to really slowing down. So this week I decided to focus on one project rather than splitting my energy between a million things like I usually do. I decided to prioritize everything that has to get done and pick two things to complete this week.
Branding and website design are my top priorities right now. I need a way (other than word of mouth though I thank my lovely clients) to communicate to the world more about me and the work I do. I probably spent a focused 20 hours on that so far this week. The 'about me' section needed some work to be website ready. Redrafting the bio led to a lot of time thinking about how I got started which led to me thinking about how much is still left to be done.
Currently, I'm working towards completing my Sexuality Educators certification and looking into human sexuality MEd and PhD programs. I know where I want to be ultimately. It's the process that is causing me a little bit of trouble. Life is happening really quickly. And I am freaking out.
Instead of ignoring that and rushing onto the next project, I am taking a proactive approach and decided to share! These are five ideas I've come up with to help myself feel safe in slowing down:
1. Spend intentional time each day just being.
A friend recently said to me "you're a human being, not a human doing." It really struck me, firstly as nonsensical, then as an "oh!" moment. I often have to remind myself that I am not what I produce. That I am not "the work." I'm the person who does the work and I need to take care of myself if I want to continue. One small way I do that is by leaving my headphones and books at home and taking the longer route when I'm traveling on MTA. There's no way for me to fill up that time doing things. I can only sit with myself and with my thoughts. And in those moments I learn a lot about myself, a lot about the place I live, and a lot about the people around me.
2. Ask yourself 'what is the rush?'
Is there actually a reason to rush? Is there a deadline approaching? Is it a real life deadline or is it one that you've imposed on yourself? Does this thing absolutely need to be done right now? A big part of taking care of myself while working in such a high emotional stress position is taking inventory of what actually needs to be done in each moment. I spent a lot of time in my previous position juggling way too many tasks and assisting way too many people at once. I felt like I needed to do everything, all the time, by myself. Rushing takes the joy out of right now. It makes the work feel heavier and less rewarding. It feels task orientated rather than people and healing oriented.
3. Ask yourself what you're willing to struggle for and what kind of struggle you're willing to endure?
I've been doing the first part of this for a few years now. Rather than asking myself what I want, I ask what I'm willing to struggle for. It helps me to put things into perspective and focus my energies on things I will actually work towards. For example, I want a seven figure income. But I'm not willing to slave in anyone's office to get it and I'm not willing to trade in a fulfilling-my-life-purpose job for a simply-filling-my-pockets job. I only recently started asking myself what kind of struggle I am willing to endure. I'm still figuring that part out.
4. Invest in the process.
Too often I get caught up in the end goal. I'm so busy charging ahead that I often miss the moments that happen along the way and often neglect my needs in the process. Investing in the process means that I invest in myself, in my health and wellbeing. It means making time to eat and sleep and get outside my four walls because I can't commit to my goals without also committing to being well enough to achieve them. While keeping my sights set on the future I envision for myself, I am intentional about finding the beauty along the way. I try to focus on how I spent spent my day and whether that got me closer or further from where I want to go.
Which leads us to the last one...
5. Give yourself credit for the work you've done.
It is a long and slow process. Acknowledge the little victories on the way to the dream.
